Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Doctor's Appt.

I survived the Doctor's Office! I do adore my OB, but I wish he would move offices just for my visits=) I had no idea how many emotions would come flooding back to me. I relived the 8 weeks appointment with Tim and my mom. The ultrasound to find out he was a boy. The heartbeats...I was there all over again. God knew my heart and there wasn't a pregnant person in that office today that I could see. It made being back a lot easier to bare. I met with the Doctor in his office to go over the tests...

His genetic diagnoses.........46-XY...Defention, he was a boy! No down syndrome, no other chromosomal abnormality, nothing, but a sweet boy. We discussed the placenta/umbilical cord test and the Doctor and pathologist spoke about why he came to his diagnoses. Apparently when you exhibit the heart failure and swelling, plus a few other symptoms, they label it the blood disorder. Not knowing me or Sylas's history or our blood type, that's what he went with. After they spoke, I think they are in agreement, he died of Multiple heart anomalies. The swelling was due to heart failure. His heart was so bad, that he just couldn't survive and his body couldn't take anymore. Someone said, "From the moment his heart took its first beat, he was destined to die". What a harsh reality, but a very true statement. He was never made to live outside of my womb. He was my womb mate, but not made to be our housemate on this earth. I don't understand why God sent me a son I couldn't keep, but I think he understands, from watching his own son suffer. He knows my pain more than anyone. A destiny to be sent to us, but not to be our earthly son, those words just keep playing over in my head. Another, it's not fair moment! I asked about more babies in our future. Because Sylas had no chromosomal problems and the heart defect seems to be a random problem, he gave us the green light for our future. Tim and I were talking about it all tonight and I said, what a strange place that we are in. We never thought having children would be a discussion. People just get pregnant and have healthy babies, right?! Unfortunately, we know to well the answer to that question. I was relieved he didn't close the door for us forever. I wasn't ready for that yet. It's all in God's hands and timing.

What an awesome God you are. From the moment we found on we were expecting, to the day I received word the screen had come back high, to the testing, to delivery....You were always at work. Sylas wasn't meant to live on this earth, but he is living on in me. I look back today and watched how your hand was guiding me and molding me for the days I would face. What an amazing feeling to know I was never alone! My pain is real, but I am resting on your wings.

Until then...
Sylas's Greatest Fan


  1. Beautiful posting....our babies always live on in our hearts...

  2. Sharon, your strengthening faith in God and professing his goodness through all of this uplifts my spirit. Love you!