Sunday, July 10, 2011

Happy 1 month Angel

May it never be goodbye. May it just be, see you later.

Parents shouldn't have to visit their children in the cemetary. It's a hard truth about life, I never realized we would face. We went to see his final earthlu resting place with Mimi and Papa today. Seeing the dirt beginning to grow new grass again, reminded me that new life is growing again where Sylas's lays. The sun was beaming down on him and as always when we visit, there was a calm wind blowing. We sent balloons to him again today. I hope he loved them just like Axton does. I wish we could have celebrated with him today while we held him, but I know he is being held by God now. I had the chance to sit beside him and tell him how much we missed him. I can't wait for him to tell me about Noah and Jonah. To tell me what he thought of meeting our grandparents. I asked him to watch over us and his brothers. To sneak in on Mimi and Papa each day to let them know he can see what amazing grandparents they are. I just wanted to tell him all the mommy things I can't say to him on this earth.

My heart aches and longs for him. No one may know the pain I carry. Even through my strange sense of humor and my not so funny jokes, I just can't dull the pain inside.

God, calm the storm in me. What if the trials of this life, are my mercies in disguise? Help me to see you in all things, not just the good days. I know that even though I may not feel it right at this moment, you are with me. You have never left me.

Until then..
Sylas's Greatest Fan
Mommy

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