Sunday, July 24, 2011

rambles

In the giggles and the wiggles, my mind is still with you. From the beginning to the end, no one was with you each second of the day like I was. I wish I were still carrying you and keeping you safe from harm. I miss knowing you are with me. It's hard to drown out all of the noise and find calmness and peace. I may never fully understand your loss, but I know what they say, "Our loss is Heaven's gain". I just wish they didn't need you there more than being here with Mommy and Daddy.

I have a closet full of things for you son. It hurts me to even open the door to the closet, because of the flood of emotions it opens in my heart. I have toys for you, sweet gowns for you to wear, and plenty of blankets to keep you safe and warm. I called you "Sy" today and wondered if you would have liked that nickname, like Axton is called Ax. I held your cousin today and wished secretly you were who I was holding. She would have been your buddy. She's a sweetheart like you would have been. So many things remind me of what could have been and what will never be. Insert unfair moment here....I love you sweet baby boy. Nothing will ever change that.

God, grant me peace....

Until then...
Sylas's Greatest Fan
Mommy

No comments:

Post a Comment