Saturday, July 2, 2011

right hand over the heart

'I do not mourn fr what you were, but for what cannot be-the unfinished life we did not share" Anonymous.

Such a powerful statement from a mother who lost a baby. I couldn't have said it better myself. I am not a tattoo kind of girl. Never have been. I just haven't ever wanted anything I wanted permanently attached to my body. Over the past week, I have just wanted his birthday on my wrist. So, last night after our dinner date at a steak house in no man's land, we decided to drive to a place we know. I now have Sylas's birth date on my right wrist. The symbolism behind that place? When placing my hand over my heart, he is always with me. Strange? Maybe, but not to me. I now have a daily reminder of what I no longer have on this earth, but will one day hold again. I take great joy in knowing I will see him one day. It makes the days without him a little less painful.

Our Anniversary is tomorrow and so is the annual 4th of July party at my aunt's house. "Worley" is one of Axton's favorite people and I am sure Sylas would have adored her just the same. Axton looks forward to this day all year. The fireworks end the day and his little face just lights up. I am so thankful God chose to give him to me! In my sadness, I have his little face to brighten any rough day I face. I think holidays will be the hardest parts for me. I want him to be enjoying all the things we are. I remembered today, he is! He is watching from the most perfect spot. He has the best view.

Happy 4th of July my Angel boy! I love you more than life. I would have gladly taken your spot if God would have let me. I miss you so much. My heart aches without you here. Not a moment in the day goes by where you aren't on my mind. Keep a watch over your brother's. Axton asked me today, if you could see him. I told him you always would! This weekend, I would love to show you the fireworks. I guess your seat is better than ours =) Daddy and I will never forget the 27 weeks I carried you and felt you everyday. We love you Angel!

Until then...
Sylas's Greatest Fan

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