Sunday, September 4, 2011

I'm back!

My computer got hit by lighting...They really do know what they are talking about when they say, turn your computer off in a lightning storm..LOL I have missed blogging and so glad I am back.

I am coming along just fine. Not a day goes by I don't think about my sweet baby, but I am learning where those memories belong. I packed up some of the memories and things from the hospital the other day. It has been in the exact same spot for almost 3 months. I finally felt like I was in a ok place in my life to put them away. I won't lie, that moment was hard for me. Torn because I want to keep his memories fresh always, but knowing I can't have the sadness dominate my life.

Babies are being born, which I knew the time would come. I was supposed to have Sylas on Wednesday the 7th. What a bittersweet day that will be. To know he has already come and gone... No one prepares you for that in "what to expect when expecting". Who writes these books any way? I hear new baby cries, I have been in the hospital when my sweet cousin gave birth to her sweet baby boy, I had my pity party for myself (I was the only guest invited), and the great part is... I SURVIVED! That's the great part about life, the bad times don't define us, they define our strength. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Maybe God knew I would find that out through this, seeing as he's all knowing and all :) I have stopped questioning him. I see the good in Sylas's death and stopped focusing on the bad. My legs may have been taken out from under me for a little while, but I was carried during that point in my life. Now I am on my own two feet again and I am still being guided and directed.

There will be good days and there will be hard days, but I am never alone. That's what makes me never afraid of what is to come!

Until then..
Sylas's Greatest Fan
Mommy

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